Friday, February 18, 2011

The Limit of an A** Hole

                First things first, one could easily argue that the definition of an asshole is someone who does not understand limits; or more accurately, chooses not to understand or respect those limits. Therefore, the limit of an asshole does not exist. 

                With that aside, I have learned that my asshole limit is five days. Day one with an asshole is shocking, but it is still a bit of an absurdity and you tell yourself that this cannot be how they are all the time. Day two you are beginning to accept that there is a definite part of them that must be permanently pertaining to that of an asshole (even you aren’t believing your excuses for them anymore). Day three it is finally dawning on you that yes, indeed, this person is an asshole. In truth you have never used this word to describe anyone before in your life, but you have always been a believer in using appropriate vocabulary, and realize that there is nothing more fitting. Day four you stop smiling and nodding politely to their obscene, crude, and racist jokes. If your wits are about you, you will feign a migraine and seek the solace of a quiet room where you can enjoy the more intellectual company of your laptop. 

 Day five is my limit to an asshole. 

There is no smiling or nodding or response of any kind to their irrational and immature antics, and every word that passes through their lips is just another crank in my tightly wound emotions. It is all I can do to restrain my natural instinct of pushing them in front of a moving bus, and gleefully drawing the chalk lines myself around their unresponsive body.

                Every day after the fifth day is pure, unadulterated torture. 

                If you have a way to escape an asshole, do it on the first day. If by some chance you cannot escape an asshole, may strength and peace be with you. While writing this I am on day six, and I have three more days of this inescapable torment of stupidity. 

                (help me)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Sand Between My Toes

     I have been in San Diego since the 11th. I am taking a spur of the moment trip with one of my best gal pals, and it is glorious. The weather here is like summer all year long. It is February and we are spending the majority of our days lying on the beach in much too little clothing. I can no longer go anywhere without leaving a little trail of sand behind me, and I just love it!
     The funny thing about going to different places is the attitude of the locals. Really, I have found for the most part that it is the same wherever I go; most specifically in regards to the weather. When our Moms taught us to only talk about the weather if there was nothing better to talk about, it would seem that we all took that very much to heart. I guess the part that is funny about this is that people say the exact same things, and have the exact same complaints as everywhere else when talking about the weather. Even in San Diego, the place with the most beautiful weather year round I have ever seen, people talk as if there is something to complain about when a cloud dares to come across the sky. I cannot help but find this amusing coming from a place with a very distinct four seasons, the longest season being a frigid winter, but I guess it is all what you're used to. For myself, this brings up the thought that we should all be more grateful for what we have been given; even if what we have been given is seemingly never-ending snow. At least the snow helps us appreciate the summer so much more.